


Learning to Trust Again

by certkpopjunkie



Series: Crossroads [1]
Category: EXO (Band), 소녀시대 | Girls' Generation | SNSD
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-22
Updated: 2019-10-22
Packaged: 2020-12-28 03:38:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21130145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/certkpopjunkie/pseuds/certkpopjunkie
Summary: After Taeyeon betrayed Jessica, Lay helps her to learn how to trust people again.





	1. ONE

**Author's Note:**

> AFF: https://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/1474318  
Twitter: https://twitter.com/certkpopjunkie
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!

In life, one of the things that hurts the most is being betrayed by someone you thought you could trust. My most recent mistake may have been letting myself get pressured into doing something wrong, but the first mistake I made was placing my trust in Taeyeon. 

I met her in elementary school. On the first day, I arrived late and slid into the closest desk I could find. I hadn’t realized it, but someone’s things were already there. The girl came back to her seat with her friend right beside her. “That’s my seat.” she said, pointing at the chair I was sitting in. 

My eyes widened and I got ready to gather up my stuff, but her friend, who had taken her seat beside me, said, “Just go find another one, Tiffany.” Then she looked at me and asked, “You’re new, right?”

I nodded. “I just moved here from California.”

The girl looked at her friend, as if what I had said just proved a point. “See? Let’s be nice.”

I didn’t think rejecting this girl would be a good idea. Obviously she had more authority than any of the other students. 

“What’s your name?” she asked, looking at me with attentive eyes. 

“Jessica.” I replied, flushing just a little. 

“I’m Taeyeon.”

Through elementary school, Taeyeon protected me and built me up to stand on my own. She introduced me to her friends and they easily accepted me into their tight-knit circle. We all met up at Taeyeon’s house on Friday nights for slumber parties and played Truth or Dare and Apples to Apples. Life was simple.

When we got into middle school, the drama ensued. Everyone wanted a boyfriend and there were plenty of cute boys to choose from. I had my sights set on a boy I’d been admiring since elementary school. 

At our weekly slumber party, Taeyeon began a conversation concerning who everyone’s crush was. I didn’t really want to tell them who I liked, but there would be trouble if I didn’t. 

“Since we’re all besties, we have to know who everyone likes. We’ll go around the circle, starting with... Yoona. Who do you like?”

Everyone looked at Yoona, who looked just as calm as she always did. “I mean, I guess I think Daesung is kind of cute.” she said, not wavering even a little. Daesung was a few years older than us, in eighth grade. He wore glasses and had a big nose. 

“He’s kind of nerdy, though. Don’t you think?” Sooyoung asked, looking at Taeyeon for approval. 

“Sooyoung, we’re not going to judge other people’s crushes.” Then she looked at Yoona. “He may be a dork, but he has nice hair.”

Yoona smiled, immediately feeling more secure in her decision. 

Next was Seohyun and she looked much more nervous than Yoona did. “Well, I find Jonghyun to be kind of cute.”

That’s how our conversation went. Someone would usually give whoever was speaking a bit of crap about their crush, but Taeyeon would swoop in and name a redeeming quality. Until it was my turn, that is.

“Jessica, who’s your crush?” Taeyeon asked, her voice sickeningly sweet. I’m not sure that she realized just how scary she sounded. 

“I’ve liked Jongin for a while...” I mumbled, not meeting any of their gazes head-on. I heard a few gasps and some giggles, but all the sounds soon stopped. When I looked back up, no one would look at me except Taeyeon.

“Jess, you can’t like Jongin.” she said, not even hinting at giving me a reason.

“Why not?” 

She smiled and looked at me like I was just a poor, confused puppy. “Because I used to like him.”

“But you don’t anymore...?” This was a question because my brain couldn’t process why my own crush was so bad. If she didn’t care anymore, why couldn’t I like him?

“No, I don’t, but that’s the rule. You can’t date your friends’ old crushes or boyfriends. It’s girl code.”

Multiple times after she told me I couldn’t have a crush on Jongin, Taeyeon broke the code, not caring whose feelings she ended up hurting in the process. She dated Seohyun’s old crush, Jonghyun, and Hyoyeon’s ex-boyfriend, Junho. 

High school was extremely different. There was no ‘girl code’ anymore because everyone had grown tired of letting Taeyeon do whatever she wanted. We were still pretty much her underlings, but some of us had grown backbones. So we dated who we wanted to date, unless someone had specifically said we couldn’t and given a good reason, or if one of us was currently dating that person. 

At the beginning of junior year, we were all sitting at a table in the cafeteria, gossiping about the girls who walked by and barely eating our bag lunches, when Taeyeon decided to call dibs.

“So you’re calling dibs on-”

“It’s not dibs. I just don’t want anyone dating him. Is that too much to ask?” For once, Taeyeon’s cool exterior was crumbling with defensiveness and nerves.

Not one to let her get by very easily, I said, “You have to give us a reason to not go after him, remember?” She’d used this point of the agreement many times. Whenever someone couldn’t give a ‘good enough’ reason, the request was denied. 

She just looked at me with wide eyes, probably surprised anyone had checked her power. “I mean... It’s just...” She kept spluttering out sentence fragments until she got too aggravated to continue. “It’s not that I have a crush on him...” She groaned in frustration. “Just give me this one thing, please.”

Seeing Taeyeon pleading and begging was not a familiar sight and it almost scared me. Everyone just kind of started nodding in agreement, letting her have what she wanted.

Later, I was walking to the parking lot with Seohyun since our last class of the day was one we shared. I’d completely forgotten about what Taeyeon had requested during lunch, but she hadn’t. “Don’t you think that was weird?”

I was kind of startled by her question, not knowing what she was referring to. “It was just a regular day in history, if you ask me.”

She laughed. “No, I mean what happened at lunch.” When I didn’t respond, she said, “You know, what Taeyeon did...?”

Understanding dawned on me and I laughed at my cluelessness. “Sorry, I’d forgotten about it. I agree that it was strange, though.”

She nodded. “Like, why? Out of everyone that we go to school with, why is she suddenly banning us from dating Park Chanyeol?”

I just shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe she really does like him and she just doesn’t want to admit it.”

“If that’s the case, she should just tell us. It’s not like talking about people we like is anything new to this group, or Taeyeon. It’s just weird.”

After Seohyun brought it up, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. It reminded me of what she’d done back in middle school when I’d admitted I liked Jongin. Since I’d just met her a few weeks before, I couldn’t have known that Taeyeon had ever expressed interest in him, but I know she’s never talked about Chanyeol before. 

A few months later, exams were finished and everyone was geared up and ready to go home for the summer. Except, I knew that not everyone was planning on heading home to sleep for the next two months. On the night of the last day of school, there’s always a party that almost everyone attends. In middle school, this party was super tame. Our parents came and we ate ice cream and maybe a few guys came over to play tag or something. Now, though, the party has morphed into something completely different. It’s not a celebration of the end of school; that’s just the excuse. This party is actually what it sounds like; it’s a party and people are going to go and get drunk and hook up.

Our group took two cars to the party since there’s so many of us. We split it up four to five. I rode with Taeyeon, Tiffany, Yoona, and Yuri and Sunny, Hyoyeon, Sooyoung, and Seohyun rode in the second car. 

At the party, Taeyeon disappeared for a while. I didn’t think anything of it and just socialized with other people from school and my friends. 

“Hey, Jessica.” a guy said behind me. I’d been dancing with Seohyun and Sooyoung, but they had ended up on the other side of the room. Or maybe that was me. I felt slightly dizzy and the music was getting really loud. The entire room just felt uncomfortable and the only thing making it any better was the comfort of whoever this guy was talking to me.

I turned to him, finally, looking up into a beautifully sculpted face. “Jongin?”

To this day, I still hear whispers whenever I pass by, people talking about how trashy I was in the video or the things he’s told people. I can’t remember what actually happened that night and I refuse to watch the video, but I don’t doubt what they say. Alcohol has never been my friend and I’ve come to know that neither was Taeyeon. 

Since Seohyun and I were close before the events of that first night of summer party, she informed me that everything that happened with Jongin was a set-up crafted by Taeyeon. She says that I probably seemed like a threat to Tae since everyone else obviously liked me better. It doesn’t feel like they like me more, knowing that they’re all laughing at the table I used to sit at while I sit alone in the corner.


	2. TWO

Two nights ago, I attended the homecoming football game, which was a mistake. I had no one to sit with and I ended up trying to leave early. Not wanting to let Taeyeon win, I stayed until the end, just to see if our team won. I sat in my car as everyone else cleared out. I got so distracted watching people leave that I soon realized that there were only two other cars in the lot, both empty.

Being the curiosity driven girl that I am, I decided to stay and see whose cars they were. Five minutes after I’d decided to stay, someone came running out of the school building. I didn’t know him, but I had to acknowledge that he’s good looking. His face was very structured, his cheekbones prominent and the rest of his features perfectly balancing his looks out. He got into one of the cars and sat there, just like I was, watching the door he’d just come out of. 

Soon, that same door opened again and two people exited. One of them was obviously a girl and the other was a guy. It was dark so I couldn’t make out exactly who they were. Both of them got into the backseat of the last car in the lot. The younger guy drove off then, probably not wanting to see anything that came next. 

Eventually, I got out of my own car and walked over to the other car. Neither of their clothes had been taken off yet, but they were probably getting close to that point. Now, I could see that the guy, who was on top in that moment, was Park Chanyeol. As far as I knew, senior year hadn’t warranted any changes to Taeyeon’s request. I may not be a part of their group anymore, but I knew most of the girls well enough to predict what they would be doing. They would honor Taeyeon’s dibs until she called it off. I know that she hasn’t, probably won’t. 

While I was thinking, they changed position and the girl was on top. I knew that I should go, that watching was wrong, but I wanted to know who she was. It couldn’t be Taeyeon, because Tae is still blonde. It couldn’t be any of the other cheerleaders because of Taeyeon’s command.

Finally, I got the view I wanted. When I saw her face, my eyes widened and I dropped to the ground beside the car. I knew I was getting myself dirty sitting there, but I couldn’t move. I couldn’t believe that anyone would disobey Taeyeon. Maybe there were problems with her power that I hadn’t been able to recognize, because Seohyun was in the backseat of Chanyeol’s car. 

Sitting there, I heard their voices. He kept calling her _Seohyunnie_and he was so sweet to her. It made me jealous and angry because I’m sure that’s not how my first time was. I didn’t want to resent her for having a good time with someone, even if that someone was off-limits, but it was hard not to. 

Part of me wanted to ruin this for them, tell Taeyeon about it somehow, but I wasn’t sure if I could.


	3. THREE

On Wednesday of that same week, I was sitting at my table, alone as usual, when the chair across from me was pulled out and someone sat down. I looked up, eyes wide with surprise. The person now seated at my table was Zhang Yixing, though everyone just called him Lay. I’m not sure why he got that nickname, but I didn’t really want to ask. Most of the football players went by nicknames or alternate names, and I’d never asked anyone for the reason why.

“Hey, Jessica.” he said, his voice sweet and light. I’d never actually spoken to him, or really hung out with him, so his presence was a bit strange. He’s probably here on a dare. 

All I could do was nod and try not to choke on the bite I’d been chewing.

“Mind if I sit with you?” he asked. I noticed he hadn’t gotten comfortable yet, which just shows that he really cares if I want to be left alone. 

“I don’t mind.” I said, trying to keep my voice even. 

For a few minutes, neither of us spoke. I finished eating my sandwich and he started on his noodles. Since he came to me, I was just waiting for him to make conversation. When it didn’t look like he was thinking along the same lines, I started gathering up my things to leave. I stood up and slung my bag over my shoulder.

“Wait.” He was looking up at me with the cutest expression on his face. “Why don’t you stay? Don’t you usually sit here until the bell rings for class?”

I nod. “Yeah, but you’re sitting here today.”

He smiled. “I only sat here because of you. I thought you looked lonely...” I sat back down across from him and smiled, trying to look more friendly and inviting. Even if I didn’t know him, I didn’t want to sever a potential friendship with him. He’s the only person that’s even spoken to me without being required to.

“I sit here every day, though. Did I look lonelier today than usual?” I sighed. “Or are you here because your friends dared you to sit with me?”

He looked surprised and a little hurt and I immediately regretted letting myself say that. I tried to speak, to apologize, but he didn’t give me the chance. “Actually,” He smiled, a dimple appearing on one side of his face. “I’ve been trying to work up the nerve to come and sit with you for a few weeks.”

My face felt hot and I couldn’t stop blinking. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have—”

“No, it’s okay. No offense but it makes sense why you would think that. You’ve been sitting here alone since school started because Taeyeon shunned you.” He kept eating, doing a good job of not making a mess. He seemed very well-mannered and kind of shy, so it must have been difficult to come over and sit with me, even if I am the loneliest girl in school. “Honestly, though, I only wanted to give you some company.”

I just looked down at my lap, picking at the loose threads in my jeans because I wasn’t able to meet his eyes. “Well, thank you.”

He just nodded with a smile and continued to eat his noodles.


	4. FOUR

Is it wrong that part of me doesn’t want to trust him? He’s been nothing if not nice to me, but he’s a football player, totally beautiful, and so nice... He seems unreal, like something that isn’t actually a blessing. I’ve been fooled before, so I’m not completely convinced he’s being genuine yet.

I want to, though. Lay’s sweet and he likes to joke around and he left his friends to sit with me. Most of the time, he’s just chattering on about football practice, one of his classes, or his friends because I haven’t been very great at making conversation. I’m sure he’s starting to feel like I’m not interested in being friends with him, so I’m worried he’ll leave me. Even though I don’t know him very well and I’m not sure why he’s sitting with me, I don’t want him to leave.


	5. FIVE

“Coach says I need to stop thinking so much before I act, but I can’t help it. There are so many cases of brain damage nowadays that I want to be extra careful, but he says football can’t be too calculated.” He sighed. “I might just quit the team at this rate. I haven’t really been into it in a while, anyway...”

“If you want to quit, then quit. You said it yourself that you only play because you enjoy it. If you don’t enjoy it anymore, then quit.” I mumbled.

Lay looked up from his food quickly, his eyes wide and a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Whoa, did you just _reply _to me?”

I laughed, nodding. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“No, no, no, you can’t ask that question. You’ve been silent all week. I was starting to think I was just annoying you, but I guess you were listening.”

“Of course I was listening... And I only said anything because I didn’t want you to... leave.” My face immediately got hot and I immediately regretted saying it. I sounded needy, as if I depended on our time at lunch. It didn’t matter that those things were true, I shouldn’t have let him know that. 

Surprisingly, instead of getting awkward and uncomfortable, like so many other guys would have been, he smiled, his cheeks coloring a bit, too. “Well, I’m glad...”


	6. SIX

“Hey, Jessica, can I ask you something?” Lay asked one day during lunch. He was acting different, a bit more shy. 

I nodded. “Yeah, I guess.”

“And you’ll answer me honestly?” he asked, looking into my eyes. He looked nervous, which was making me nervous.

I nodded again, but slowly this time. “Yeah...”

He sat up straight in his chair and wiped his hands off on his pants. I could see the tiniest hint of a blush in his cheeks. “To tell you the truth, I haven’t been coming over here just to give you some company.” he confessed, the words coming out quickly.

My heart raced and I could feel my palms sweating. 

Seeing my reaction, he shook his head and held up his hands. “It’s not what you think. I haven’t really been dishonest with you.” He took in a deep breath, steadying himself. “I came over here that first day because I wanted to... ask you out... but I chickened out and I thought it would be better to get to know you. I didn’t want to rush you into anything because I know about what happened this past summer and I wanted you to trust me first.”

I felt my mouth hanging open and I released a breath I hadn’t realized I was keeping in. I was so relieved that he hadn’t said he was here on a dare or just wanted to get into my pants. I felt even better hearing that he’d been so considerate of me. When he started sitting with me, I hadn’t been ready for anything romance-wise, so I probably would have freaked out and rejected him, thinking he was just like Kai. Having spent time with Lay, getting to know him, I feel like I can trust him and take a chance with him.

I coughed, trying to regain my composure. “So, uh... What did you want to ask me?”

He smiled, his dimple showing, and reached across the table to touch my hand. Initially, I wanted to jerk it away, but I didn’t. It took so much willpower, but I didn’t. “I wanted to ask you if you would be interested in going out with me. Like, a date.”

I nodded. “I would like that.”


End file.
